I’ve been reading my big book of BDSM, (yes, I have one but that’s not its true title,) and I’ve learned quite a bit. It isn’t about spanking or hurting your partner. It’s about control. Self-control, control of the environment, control of the pleasure you give your partner.
Tons of control.
There’s an amazing amount of behavioral science in the book, research listing some of the big names in psychology like Skinner, Pavlov, and Wilson.
Not really what I expected when I ordered this thing from Amazon. A friend, who shall remain nameless, recommended the book when she and I discussed some of the themes I used in my little romance books. One of her very former boyfriends was into BDSM and she’d read this book many years ago.
Alas, the boyfriend fell by the wayside, but very few things (men) last forever.
My dear hubby laughed the first time I referred to the book as ‘My Big Book of BDSM’. Yes, he knows what I write, and he tells me all the time that men don’t want a threesome with a woman and another man. The ratio is reversed in the male fantasy. And I quickly tell him I write with women in mind and hot men are just part of the fantasy.
With all the media hype about 50 Shades, and all the books I’ve read about the lifestyle, I was impressed with the simplicity and caring taken by the couple who wrote this book. It was enlightening.
While I don’t think I’d like to participate in all the activities they tout, I do find that handing over the decision-making to my hubby makes my life easier. Take a minute and think about the male-female relationships between Ward & June Cleaver, Ricky & Lucy Ricardo, and any other TV couple from that era. The husband worked, took care of the wife, and she took care of the house and the hubby. He made all the decisions.
Sure, we’ve come a long way as far as equality between the sexes, but sometimes...can’t we dream of a day or even an hour when we didn’t have to decide what to have for dinner, what color to paint the house, what type of gas to put in our car, whether we wanted to be on top or on the bottom, tied to the bed or just lying there waiting for it to be over so we can sleep?
Think about it....